On Women (and Why We Need Each Other)

The best part about writing is that when you begin to look at the world through the eyes of a writer, it’s like putting on a new pair of glasses with the perfect prescription. Everything seems brighter and crisper and clearer, and you start to see everything as a potential story, reflection, illustration. Interesting people become characters with intricate backgrounds and deep dark secrets. Beautiful places become the backdrops of daydreams and the scenery of your thoughts. And little things that happen everyday become these pivotal moments, turning points, where you are one person before and now you’re another altogether because of something small, inconsequential to most but inspiring to you. I am convinced that these are the moments and the places and the people that writers live for. Last week, a truth in my life became so completely evident to me that I absolutely could not ignore it. This truth snuck up on me in little ways, but when I looked at them as a whole picture, I realized something very important.

It came to me in a phone call from a lifelong friend who needed at that moment just to talk. And in our seamless way of picking up exactly where we left off no matter how many hours or days it’s been between texts or calls, we were able to have a deeply important talk before again heading our separate ways.

It came to me on a breakfast date with another close friend, laughing and talking about our faith and our families and our futures over a chai tea latte and decadent waffles, not caring so much about the calories but instead cherishing the company.

It came in watching my dear college roommate in her absolute essence as a mama, celebrating her baby’s birthday, ever the hostess, throwing her beautiful boy up, laughing and glowing with an unspeakable joy.

It came in text messages (full of capital letters and exclamation points and emojis) from a sweet mama friend in which we mutually commiserated over baby sleep and potty training and then cheered each other on to make it through the week.

It came during a dinner date with two incredible women who started out as coworkers but became more like family; dinner turning into dessert turning into drinks because we just weren’t quite ready to finish our discussion and head home.

And it came through some more texts with a childhood friend (I mean childhood, like she knew me in 7th grade and still miraculously loves me somehow) who lives 600 miles away but is in a similar walk of motherhood at this moment and has shared in my joys and frustrations with kindness and patience and without a shred of judgment.

And there are others; these examples come from one week alone. I realized that I am surrounded by such strong, passionate, and caring women. These friendships are so vital in my life that even losing one would devastate me. These women love me as I am, they love my children as their own, and they would do anything for me at the drop of a hat, no questions asked. And I feel the same about each of them.

Sometimes it seems like there’s a lot of ugliness and hate out there between women, especially when we get in this mindset of life as a competition: who’s skinniest, prettiest, the best mom, wife, whatever. Just take one second to pull up the comments section on any controversial article and you will find people completely tearing each other to shreds (and then GET OUT because the drama will suck you in and that is no way to live). Unfortunately, I find this especially true on mommy sites. It’s easy to think that the world is just full of these types of people. But then, I look at the people closest to me, especially my girlfriends, and I know I am so richly blessed by each of them in their own way.

So, ladies, hang on tight to your girlfriends. You’ll need them at some point in a way that your significant others just won’t do, and they’ll need you too, and you’ll be there. And for every ugly comment made, there’s another woman finding herself in need and her tribe banding together immediately to take care of her in a way she did not expect (and let me tell you, women on a mission work fast and simply cannot be stopped, so don’t even try). That’s just how it works. And it’s a beautiful thing.

(PS- Yes, these pictures are mostly super old, but it’s only because all of our hands are just so full of kids all the time who can reach for a camera??)

Currently Reading: Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. So, thanks to Hillbilly Elegy, I’m a teensy bit obsessed with memoirs and now want to read all of them ever. This one did not disappoint. It was hilarious. I couldn’t really find a theme or lesson from his life, but dang, he tells great, albeit sometimes inappropriate, stories. Multiple times, I laughed out loud and my daughter was like, “WHAT’S SO FUNNY MOM???”

Currently Baking: We needed some chocolate in this house, and it’s cherry season and cherries are beautiful, so we made these Chocolate Cherry Muffins from PaleOMG. Let’s be real, they actually taste more like a brownie and are super good with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.